Love Emails by JDA Winslow and Stephanie Cook
Remember love letters? Well forget them for they are a thing of the past. You really want to be romantic: send emails. JDA Winslow and Stephanie know this rare fact: that 2012 is the year of the love email. Last year sexts were all the rage. Thankfully that is over. Gchat still has an edge over love emails but the lead erodes with this powerful exchange between alt lit’s greatest unrequited love couple of 2012.
Stephanie begins with a shower. Two showers in one day: she lives my life. I shower multiple times to be zestfully clean. At her table she sets two plates. JDA lives in Scotland. How he is supposed to get to Michigan is beyond me possibly by a combination of plane/car or ship/train. Even in the shower, God’s house, Stephanie thinks of JDA. In the shower is God’s house for God created everybody naked! God loves nudity.
JDA wants to be American. Everyone I know thinks JDA must stay British. Whenever I have friends over I play videos with JDA speaking. They ask ‘Is he single?’ I say ‘He’s Scottish’. ‘He’s Scottish’ is shorthand for ‘Yes, he’s single’. For I feel Scotland under-appreciates JDA’s voice. If I ever have an audio book come out JDA must do the voice. Stephanie sends JDA important tidbits from America. JDA wears his baseball cap backwards or, as they call baseball in the UK, football. He flies to Reykjavik mistaking it for Michigan. Stephanie’s setting a place for JDA bothers him. Here we see JDA’s ‘sub-freak’, eating food off the floor. Worry about JDA’s state of mind. JDA deserves to eat food on a table like a human.
John goes through some serious trials and tribulations. John’s mom shoots Stephanie in the leg for him not being an American citizen. Feel anybody who shoots anybody needs to chill out. I know this is a controversial statement but I do not care: people, stop shooting at each other. Can’t we all just chill on the internet? MEMEs are online. People at the funeral home give Stephanie money to help her through her ‘nude’ phrase. Or this may be a ‘pay-per-view’ thing only IRL. I am uncertain.
What response does John give? He apologizes for not being Canadian. It is okay John. Canada has plenty of space due to it being cold and boring. Fitting into Canada is hard. Alt lit has a commune somewhere in Canada where they wander wild and free. How does JDA afford a hotel? Isn’t he in alt lit? Alt lit can afford free couch or mostly clean bedroom floor at best. The bible tells people how to walk on water. How do you think they build ships?
Fire burns inside of Stephanie. Maybe it is heart burn. Her heart burns for JDA. She is only human. Everybody in the US wants JDA to visit. She offers the innards of her body as a vessel for his soul. Unlike people, souls need no passport. Souls travel freely except to Brazil where they need to apply for a visa.
Iceland holds JDA. He’s been drinking tea. Stephanie is one of a kind for Stephanie loves JDA. It is romantic probably: she’s from Michigan, he’s from Scotland. They have a lot in common. Both of them are people. Stephanie tells John to believe in his dick. She floats to Scotland as a grey cloud. In other words it is impossible to tell where she is. Scotland is always cold and gray. Yet that’s part of its charm. Her heartbeat is the most played song on his iTunes. I did not know iTunes played heartbeats. Thought that was supposed to happen next year.
Feel the long distance lovers in this riveting tale of long-found love.